Couple things.

“When is an open market not really open? Ask Hyundai.” Way to bury the lead. I guess we can start with the inductive reasoning. “…if anyone could compete in the Japanese market, it should be Hyundai.” Now, I’m sure Mr. Prestowitz is a sharp guy. But where exactly does that come from? This statement assumes:

1. That Japanese consumers aren’t satisfied with domestic production.
2. That given the choice, they would buy Hyundai in quantities enough to justify entry costs.
3. That the same strategies work everywhere.

I could make the case that Japan’s large domestic production capacity is reason enough to expect failure from imports. America purchases an enormous quantity of vehicles from foreign companies every year, but the catch there is that we have a growing population, a growing auto market and many of those “foreign” cars are produced in the United States. Japan, on the other hand, has a shrinking population, a shrinking domestic auto market and no foreign companies producing domestically. Now, I’ll pose a hypothetical situation. If your demand is falling, and you produce well more than you need, what’s your incentive to import?

I think Mr. Prestowitz knows these things, but he’s spun them a bit. The answer there is cost, obviously. If Hyundai is cheaper than Toyota, Honda or Nissan even in Japan, then the Japanese people MUST want to buy them. But they don’t.

Japan is like global trade’s Fun House. Only its residents know all the trap doors and trick mirrors. None of the same rules seem to apply. As Mr. Prestowitz plainly states, the dealership system is an issue. And even though Hyundai could buy land and build its own dealerships, that would be timely and expensive. Remember that term, “entry costs?” That’s the “costs” part.

Then we hear how, “in principle, the excess capacity should lead to industry restructuring,” that would level the playing field. Isn’t it lovely how you can assign your own principles to whole countries whenever it’s convenient? How dare the Japanese government weaken the yen! I guess he’s forgotten about all those times — and he shouldn’t have, because Mr. Prestowitz was counselor to the Secretary of Commerce under Reagan, when the Plaza Accord actually occurred  – when the United States dictated the terms of the dollar’s devaluation without even bothering to intervene in the markets.

This article does touch upon something I find fascinating about Japan, though. Even when there aren’t any tariffs or laws barring foreign competitors in the Japanese market, they get bogged down with cultural difficulties. That’s why Japan impresses me so much more than China in terms of trade finesse. The Chinese will throw laws, taxes, regulations, conditions, restrictions and surveillance on you. Japan is characteristically subtler. Rather than attacking you on the legal side, they get you on the practical side, so in the end these foreign companies are all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Which brings us to my final point — the crusher! Even if Hyundai entered the Japanese market successfully and offered its full range of cars in shiny new dealers, I doubt the Japanese consumer would bite. I’ve got two reasons why.

First, Hyundai is making competition for Japanese companies, not opening new segments. The Japanese will import Porsches, Ferraris, Mercedes and all sorts of sport/luxury models from abroad because there are relatively few domestic cars that can compete. Hyundai proposed to import economical sedans. Japan wrote the BOOK on economical sedans — in fact, it’s hard to think of a more quintessentially Japanese product. Japan will start importing economical sedans in large quantities when the US starts importing all its beef.

And second, I honestly think it makes Japanese people uncomfortable to import so much from Korea and China because it reminds them of the “Japan Passing” phenomenon. The Japanese feel forgotten, and the prospect of losing out to other Asian countries within their own home market feels pretty low. They’ve already lost ground to Korean electronics companies like LG and Samsung, and I know it bothers some people. The important point here is that no matter what the reason may be, the core issue here is that the Japanese do not wish to buy Korean cars, plain and simple.

That’s one of the fundamental dilemmas of our free trade crusade. We know what free trade looks like ideally, but we can’t help it if it looks different in practice. The free market works differently everywhere, and if we force imports down a country’s throat, it starts looking more like a planned economy than anything else. Besides, if you want to talk about TPP, the real issue in Japan is agriculture, not cars.

My condolences to Hyundai. You win some, you lose some. I actually saw the Hyundai booth at the 2011 Tokyo Motor Show, and it was a bus. No cars, just a bus. When I asked the Japanese guy I was with why there wasn’t more of a display, he chuckled and said, “Yeah, no…they’re not around anymore.”

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Okay, that one doesn’t count. The Great Train Robbery (1903) can be found on YouTube. If you have ten minutes and want to watch a classic Western, have at it. My twenty begin here, in alphabetical order.

1. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

This is a story that’s been told a million times. In fact, even if you haven’t heard the story, I think you get the general idea from the title. Outlaws, lawmen, Jesse James gets killed. The title roles are played by Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck, but it’s the aesthetic that makes this movie worth it. Watch it in HD and see what I mean. My friend was telling me to watch this for years, and when I finally did — wow.

2. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

This has always been one of my favorites. First of all, it’s Paul Newman and Robert Redford. I think that’s all I really need to say here. It’s a buddy picture Western with both comedy and tragedy, dealing with the end of the Western as a genre. You can watch this as pure entertainment, or you can break it down scene-by-scene, shot-by-shot for cues, symbolism and references. Finally, if you’ve seen The Sting, you must watch this. If you decide to watch this, you must then watch The Sting. You’ll see why.

3. Dodge City (1939)

This was made the year I feel like Westerns really picked up. It’s Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland telling a typical early Western story. The Civil War has ended, the railroad is finished, and the West must be won. Dodge City is about an interesting time in our country’s past, and was made at a time when our outlook was still innocent and optimistic. Hollywood let us win our battles and get the girl — we were invincible.

4. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1967)

I think everyone knows this movie even if they haven’t seen it. Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach and Lee Van Cleef, directed by Sergio Leone. True, this is an Italian film, but Eastwood is an American star, and his persona is one that Americans fell in love with. If you’re going to spend three hours watching a movie, this is a good pick.

5. The Gunfighter (1950)

You don’t see this one on a lot of lists, but it’s right up my alley. Gregory Peck — Atticus! — is Jimmy Ringo, the fastest gun in the West, but he’s tired and just wants a way out. He stops in a little town one morning, and the day’s events demonstrate just how miserable the life of a celebrated gunfighter is.

6. High Noon (1952)

John Wayne is an iconic Western hero, but Gary Cooper had a very different approach in High Noon. The story is simple — Frank Miller is out of jail and he and his goons will be coming to terrorize the town at noon. Cooper, the marshall, is charged with protecting the town, but the townsfolk might think they’d be better off without him. I highly recommend watching this back-to-back with Rio Bravo (1959).

7. Little Big Man (1970)

You will enjoy this movie. Between Dustin Hoffman and Chief Dan George, Faye Dunaway and Martin Balsam you’ll be laughing. It’s also probably the best Western as told from both the white and Native American perspectives. I tend to group this one with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as the comedy-tragedy-end-of-the-Western Westerns.

8. The Magnificent Seven (1960)

I’ve talked about this one before — it’s directly based on the Kurosawa film, The Seven Samurai. It’s got an all-star cast, a great story, the whole package. It was popular enough to have three sequels, a remake or two and a Pixar adaptation with bugs. The theme song was used in Marlboro cigarette commercials, for god’s sake. This is a badass Western.

9. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

Liberty Valance is on and off my favorite Western. It’s so perfect. First off, you’ve got The Duke, Jimmy Stewart, Vera Miles and a bunch of the awesome character actors you see in all kinds of Westerns. Lee Marvin is one of the most loathsome villains imaginable, chuckling at the misfortune of his victims. And there’s that great John Ford community dynamic going on. Watch it, love it, watch it again.

10. My Darling Clementine (1946)

Man, do I love this movie. Henry Fonda stars as Wyatt Earp in this story of the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral that every American of a certain age will know. The acting talent is crazy — Victor Mature, Ward Bond, Walter Brennan, et al. — and John Ford delivers another awesome Western. You’ve got race issues, an examination of the gunfighter and a development of what makes a Western hero. Just writing this is making me want to watch it tonight.

11. The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

I think we can all agree that Clint Eastwood is a badass. Josey Wales was released in time for America’s bicentennial, but by that time, Westerns were pretty much done as a genre. This is a revisionist Western about a man whose family is killed by the Union and becomes a guerrilla. It’s even got Chief Dan George, everyone’s favorite Native American.

12. The Ox-Bow Incident (1943)

This movie makes me so angry, but in a good way. Imagine the Western version of 12 Angry Men, but there’s no trial and pretty much everyone’s on the “guilty” side. Henry Fonda’s the star yet again, in a movie that really showcases the values of the Western hero. In hindsight, it seems like the sort of movie that would’ve done some good had it been released during the McCarthy era.

13. Red River (1948)

John Wayne, Montgomery Clift, Walter Brennan and more go on a cattle drive, blazing the Chisholm Trail. It should go without saying that this is a classic. For the first time pretty much ever, John Wayne’s character is called into question and he isn’t the perfect hero we all expect. This film also features what is possibly the best homosexual innuendo scene of any film ever. “That’s a good-looking gun you were about to use back there, can I see it? Maybe you’d like to see mine.”

14. Rio Bravo (1959)

John Wayne made no secret about disliking High Noon. The idea of a lawman asking for help from the townspeople was abhorrent to Wayne, so Rio Bravo was made to be exactly the same, but with Wayne starring as the “correct” sort of hero. I like both movies, but this one’s also got Dean Martin, Walter Brennan and Ricky Nelson.

15. Rio Grande (1950)

Everyone loves a cavalry Western. Well, maybe not EVERYONE, but I do. This is the third and final installment in John Ford’s cavalry trilogy with John Wayne. Basic premise: Apaches are bad, John Wayne’s wife — Maureen O’Hara — resents him for being too soldierly, John Wayne has to defeat the Apaches and win back his wife. It’s not the strongest Western on this list, but it’s important for the genre.

16. The Searchers (1956)

John Wayne’s best performance. John Wayne’s deepest performance. This is a movie about…searching. John Wayne’s niece is taken by Comanches, so he and his adoptive nephew spend years looking for her. The race issue is blown up, along with the question of who counts as “family”. AFI called this the best Western of all time. Check it out.

17. Stagecoach (1939)

Wow, that’s a lot of John Wayne movies in a row. This was the movie that really put him on the map back in the 30s. It’s a great early Western that fleshes out a lot of the stereotypes that stick with the genre. Also, probably one of the best non-car chases ever filmed. Stunt guys on horses and stagecoaches.

18. True Grit (2010)

Some people like the older one better and I’m usually the first guy to say I like the original version of a movie, but I love the more recent version of True Grit. The thing got TEN Oscar nominations, including most of the big ones, plus a supporting actress nomination for Hailee Steinfeld, who was great. I like seeing a good Western made recently, just to remind me we’re not done with the genre.

19. Unforgiven (1992)

This is one of three Westerns to ever win Best Picture. 1990′s Dances With Wolves…not a fan, but this one, I like. Nobody’s brought this kind of depth to the genre since the 70s like Eastwood has, and he’s joined by Morgan Freeman and Gene Hackman in what turned about to be a really solid movie. Oh, and Richard Harris is in it! There you go.

20. The Wild Bunch (1969)

The Wild Bunch was…wild. It gets more violent than almost any other Westerns I can think of, almost disturbingly so at times. At least the average audience is disturbed. It’s a Mexico Western like Butch and Sundance or The Magnificent Seven, only everything goes up in flames and you get the sort of gritty look at the Western myth that even Sergio Leone never showed.

So, like I said, nothing at all to do with Japan. The Magnificent Seven, perhaps, since it was based on a Japanese film. But other than that, these are just Westerns I watch when I’m away from home. I’ve watched every one of these movies in the past year, and I’d suggest you check a few out if you’re so inclined.

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Plus, it’s Mother’s Day, so happy Mother’s Day to my mom, my stepmom and my sister-in-law — hopefully enjoying her SECOND Mother’s Day as a mom!

Hanami [花見] is the Japanese tradition of cherry blossom viewing. This year, the week that cherry blossoms were in bloom was the second week of April, so the blossoms have already long gone. However, just as they were blooming, I went with my friend Trevor — who was visiting from NYC — to Shinjuku Gyoen to have a gander. I’m still waiting for Trevor’s higher-resolution photos, but I thought I’d update mine for the time being.

This was the first Saturday of the blossom-viewing window, so the park was PACKED. Everyone was out for a picnic and some flowers. Unfortunately for many, alcohol was prohibited, and there was a line at the gates where guards were checking bags for booze. Copious amounts were confiscated.

This last photo was taken at Shinjuku Station’s South Exit the day we visited the park. These guys are protesting discrimination against males in Japanese society, with a particular focus on the “Women Only” cars available on many trains. The cars are designed to limit sexual harassment encounters during peak hour commutes, but apparently these gents took offense. They claim that women-only cars are illegal under the constitution and represent open sexism. There may actually be a legal case there, for all I know. But I’m not gonna lie. I laughed at them. Must’ve been my good humor from having seen all those cherry blossoms.

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Update: As some of you know, my computer was recently…dead. It’s back to life thanks entirely to Lantz at LoreaTec in Nishi-Kawaguchi! If you live in Tokyo or Saitama and have computer issues, he comes highly recommended — my computer was diagnosed, repaired and returned to me all within 24 hours for a price lower than any other quote I received! Service in both English and Japanese. Thanks, Lantz!

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Okay, I know I’m in trouble already. Hell hath no fury like a fangirl scorned. Fanboys maybe. At any rate, it’s time for my disclaimers. 

1. I have not read The Hunger Games, nor have I seen the film. I haven’t even read a full plot summary. I’ve read reviews.

2. The purpose of this post is to promote Battle Royale as an alternative, not to discredit The Hunger Games.

And that’s that! Now I don’t have to worry about people wigging out.

It’s not the first time there’s been controversy over an American book and/or film being based on a Japanese one, or the other way around. I did the math, though, and no matter which way you figure it, you should see Battle Royale. Worst case scenario, it’s as bad as some bloggers seem to think — that The Hunger Games is a complete rip-off of Battle Royale — then you owe it to yourself to see “the original”. Best case scenario, Hunger Games and Battle Royale are just very similar ideas that came from spontaneous inspiration, in which case you owe it to yourself to see the “other version” of the one you like. I’ll get around to seeing The Hunger Games myself eventually, just because I’m interested in the comparison. For now, I’ll talk about Battle Royale.

I think I forgot a disclaimer: this movie is graphic. I don’t have to see The Hunger Games [rated PG13] to know it’s a lot less graphic than Battle Royale, which was denied a wide release in the US after failing to come close to meeting the requirements for an R rating. Even Japan, the country that puts out some of the most depraved and shocking media in the world, had a strong negative reaction to Battle Royale at first, leading many critics to draw parallels to the uproar in Great Britain following the release of A Clockwork Orange. I’m not telling everyone to watch this movie. Your grandmother will not like this movie. Your mother will not like this movie. This film is a lot like children shooting live ammunition at each other; it’s hit or miss. Then again, it was directed by the legendary Kinji Fukasaku, which counts for a lot.

Battle Royale focuses on a junior high school class chosen to participate in the Battle Royale program. It’s explained that in an alternate timeline, Japan suffers an economic collapse and, facing severe unemployment and youth rebellion, the government enacts the Battle Royale Act. Whole classes of students are chosen by lottery and sent to an island to kill each other off and a three day contest that leaves only one — or none — left alive. Our protagonists are Nanahara Shuya [on the left in the picture above] and Nakagawa Noriko [over his shoulder], two students in the class who stick together to try and survive. There’s a bit of exposition at the beginning, when the game is explained. By this time, people are already being killed [spoiler, everyone: people die like crazy in this movie], but you can leave it to Japan to have a cutesy instructional video compete with the scantily-clad, and high-pitch voiced young woman to go along with everything.

That’s how Japan rolls.

So the students are on an island with weapons and explosive collars and if more than one of them remain after three days, everyone dies. There are 42 students to begin with, which means the killing has to start pretty early! The administrators, headed by one of the class’ former teachers, keep track of where everyone is and who’s still alive, broadcasting the kills over loudspeakers every few hours. Fukasaku borrowed from his own Battles Without Honor and Humanity, putting the names of the deceased on the screen immediately following their deaths along with the number of students left alive.

The children in Battle Royale are supposed to be 15 years old, which is a difficult age. Many of them have tragic home lives or serious trust issues with adults. There are even a few characters who seem to enjoy their circumstances. We come to see how the dynamics of the classroom and social cliques affect the game, and there’s one girl whose trademark Japanese politeness is so ingrained that it gets her killed. Some of them fight hard, and some succumb early.

This really is an iconic film, no matter which way you slice it. The novel received high praise from critics all over the world and Stephen King numbers among the big fans. As a film, it has a cult following led by none other than the man himself, Quentin Tarantino. He loves Battle Royale, and has great respect for Kinji Fukasaku as a filmmaker. He incorporated certain elements of the film in his own movie, Kill Bill Vol. 1, and even went so far as to hire one of the Japanese actresses who had impressed him — Chiaki Kuriyama. She played Gogo Yubari, the deadly and sadistic schoolgirl bodyguard of Lucy Liu’s yakuza boss character. 

The another gem of this film was Takeshi Kitano, who played the class’ former teacher and Battle Royale head honcho. His character had been disrespected and attacked by his own students, crushing his morale and making him bitter. The man presented in the film is harsh, ironic, violent, but also eerily calm at times. He’s a sociopath who is strangely capable of compassion in certain rare instances. 

Ultimately, this film demonstrates a conflict between generations as much as one among children. The premise of Battle Royale originates with adults attempting to maintain control over the youth population, and many of the children are portrayed as having been let down or betrayed in some way by the adults in their lives. Fukasaku was an excellent choice for director because he shared those sentiments himself for much of his life. As a student, he witnessed the gruesome wartime deaths of many of his close friends and never fully forgave adults for putting them in that situation. Because the topic was so personal for him, Fukasaku felt that Battle Royale is an important story for children of that age and encouraged they see it if given the chance. 

As one reviewer put it, Battle Royale is like The Hunger Games for grown-ups. I’m not sure it is for grown-ups, but I think they meant that it’s just a little more in your face than The Hunger Games. There’s not too much about politics, romance or anything. Simple, brief emotions and a bunch of violence. Like I said before, I haven’t seen The Hunger Games, but when I do I’d like like to post a proper comparison. For now, I’d just like to recommend Battle Royale [the film, but the novel is great too, and different] as an alternative. It’s not a long movie, so if you liked The Hunger Games and can deal with gratuitous violence, I’d suggest giving it a shot. 

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So, it’s been a year.

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You might think you can, but you’re wrong — Hollywood has no Jeremy Lin. When I say star, I mean someone who is immediately recognizable worldwide, draws crowds at the box office both at home and abroad, and who has a plausible chance at industry-wide recognition [read: Oscar]. These are pretty strict standards for any minority group, in fact, and one could argue that even within the African American community, only Will Smith and Denzel Washington really fit the bill these days. Even though she won an Oscar, there aren’t people in Paris anxiously awaiting Mo’Nique’s next movie.

The Asians have nobody to speak of in Hollywood. I thought about it years ago when I first saw The Last Samurai and Memoirs of a Geisha, and then again when I heard about the new Hollywood version of the 47 Ronin. If you take The Last Samurai and Memoirs of a Geisha as examples of Asian exposure in Hollywood, you come up with a cast of unknowns, a handful of Chinese actresses playing Japanese characters, and Ken Watanabe. He’s one example of an actor some people might call a “crossover” — someone who began working in their native film industry, gained popularity and eventually broke into Hollywood. A true crossover, though, must be someone who can star in Hollywood films on their own without being typecast; Watanabe hasn’t reached anywhere near that point. In spite of his excellent performances in The Last Samurai, Memoirs of a Geisha and Letters From Iwo Jima, those were all typecast roles, and the remainder of his Hollywood repertoire — Batman Begins and Inception — is a result of Christopher Nolan’s good graces. I like Watanabe a lot, so I don’t like belittling him this way, but I have to admit that his Oscar nomination for The Last Samurai was little more than a gesture and he had no chance of winning from the start.

In order for there to be “mainstream” Asian or Asian American stars, there must first be Asian or Asian American roles that can be considered “mainstream.” At this point, the vast majority of noticeable Asian roles in Hollywood can be broken down into simple categories.

For men: martial arts roles, the occasional yakuza or Triad part and historical films with some Asian component — including and especially action/war films.

For women: martial arts roles, historical films, eye candy.

Any two or more of those categories can be grouped together; an attractive female ninja, for example. When it all boils down, the audiences of Hollywood movies [note than I'm not limiting this to American audiences only] are looking for these sorts of things when presented with Asian actors. That’s why the only critically-acclaimed film dealing with modern Asia in recent years — Lost in Translation — was built around two white stars bonding over Japan’s idiosyncrasies. I enjoyed the movie, but what I’m getting at here is, this is the most successful movie about “Asia” in the past decade? What’s wrong with this picture?

Why aren’t there any Asian or Asian-American stars out there? One argument that inevitably comes up is that Asians [and almost any minority group out there] has a serious disadvantage trying to get recognition when the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences [those folks who dish out Oscars] is mostly made up of old, white men. The figures are hard to ignore, being that approximately 94 percent of Academy members are white and around 77 percent are male. The problem with this argument, though, is that membership in the Academy is based on merit, and not only on Oscar nominations; many people are invited to join the Academy long before they earn an Oscar, and a plurality of members have never even been nominated. What an actor needs to get in is a solid repertoire in Hollywood, so it turns out that in spite of its lopsided demographics, the Academy is something of a red herring in this case. It’s the studios who really have the power over who gets roles in big films.

Truth be told, I don’t think a studio could just invent an Asian-American star overnight. Stars need to be groomed first and they do need to seem natural in whatever role they’re playing. What needs to happen first is for Asian-American actors to establish themselves as a normal presence on screen. What do I mean? I’ve got a perfect example of how this can work.

The man on the left there is Jeffrey Wright. He’s a talented actor who’s made a name for himself on stage, television and on film. The reason I chose this photo is because it’s from the James Bond film Quantum of Solace, in which he reprises his role as 007′s CIA contact, Felix Leiter. That role was originally played by white actors, but there’s no reason that needed to continue, so it went to Jeffrey Wright on merit. I thought he was excellent. Looking at the rest of his roles, there are very few stereotypes or novelty characters, and the only major role he played that required an African American actor was that of Colin Powell in the Bush biopic W. Although he hasn’t received very many awards for film, his work is widely praised, and he’s been invited to join the Academy. I love that he can just be in movies without anyone mentioning his race.

Asian-Americans need some Jeffrey Wrights. Actors and actresses who can be plugged into nearly any role that isn’t race-specific and do a good job. And studios need to let them give it a go, too.

There are a few examples of this happening now — John Cho appearing as Mr. Sulu in the new Star Trek films, for instance. True, it’s an Asian role, but it’s not a stereotypical Asian role, and racial background has no real influence on the character. Cho has said he’s proud to be playing such a masculine part as one member of a diverse ensemble cast. Of course, he has George Takei to thank for blazing that trail…

Once we see studios start casting Asians and Asian-Americans in dramatic, non-stereotypical roles, the audience will be ready for a dramatic starring performance. It’s a shame that today’s Hollywood is so driven by numbers — the idea that Middle America might not buy into an Asian star is enough to deter them from casting one. With any luck, though, the studios will come around eventually. I’d like to start seeing Asians and Asian-Americans show what they’ve got around Hollywood.

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Update: I want to reiterate that the blame doesn’t fall squarely on American audiences for demanding a certain product. Most modern Hollywood films — including The Last Samurai, Memoirs of a Geisha and even Lost in Translation — earn more than 60 or even 70 percent of their gross outside the US. If studios think shelving Asian actors is prudent, it’s because there isn’t sufficient demand from foreign audiences, either.

I don’t know who made this, but they were right on. I don’t know about the parents photo; by this time next month, both of my parents will have visited Tokyo and seen it for themselves. The rest are all exactly right. Talk to a friend, and I get questions about how crazy Japanese girls are and how strange the fashion is here. When I talk to my friends’ parents or other people from around the world, it’s always, “Aren’t you terrified of the radiation?! How can you drink the water or eat the food without checking it’s not contaminated? I think I’d faint if there was an earthquake!” I try not to talk to anime fans, but when I do, they get all dreamy-eyed hearing about Tokyo. And I do like to think of downtown Shibuya as “where I live” even though I’m a good 15 minutes away in a quiet neighborhood.

Finally, where I actually live. A tiny hole in the wall with room enough for myself and not much else. Check. But I like my tiny hole in the wall.

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The story of the 47 ronin is based on events that actually occurred in 1701. The fictional account, Chūshingura, was popularized as a puppet play and then as a kabuki play during the 18th century and it’s one of the most famous stories in all of Japanese classical literature. Since reading it in translation years ago, it’s been my favorite Japanese story of all, bar none.

As one of the most famous stories in Japanese folklore, there have been more than a few film and television adaptations over the years. Kenji Mizoguchi directed one excellent version that was released in 1941, and Hiroshi Inagaki’s 1962 film was absolutely spectacular. That particular movie featured performances by Toshiro Mifune and Setsuko Hara, the actor and actress who together epitomize the golden age of Japanese cinema. Clearly, the story has some history and importance.

But frankly, my dear, Hollywood doesn’t give a damn. And 2012′s 47 Ronin is coming from Universal Pictures rather than a Japanese distributor. I guess you can’t really expect much in the way of integrity from a company that’s making a sixth Fast and Furious movie.

And that’s what brings us to this horrible state of affairs. The upcoming 47 Ronin film will have a mostly Japanese cast, led by Keanu Reeves. I’m guessing that the working title for that script was 46 Ronin and 1 Cash Cow. I have no issue with Keanu Reeves — he’s generally a decent actor — but he has no place in this film. As it happens, his character was written into the story as a half-British, half-Japanese “outcast” [as to what that means, I have no clue] who joins the ronin in their little vendetta. They’ve taken a character who wasn’t in the story to begin with and made him the main character. It’s the director’s first project ever, and Universal threw him $170 million to make this film, so no pressure. In interviews, they’re comparing it to Lord of the Rings and Gladiator in terms of style and execution. A word of wisdom: try not to liken your nascent bowel movement to multiple Best Picture Oscar winners. It might sound overly….ambitious.

Why is he even in the movie? It’s an American production, so they wanted to start with a marketable face, I suppose. This is the tragedy of Hollywood’s relationship with Japan — there are very few Japanese actors that can take big Hollywood roles. If you get rid of Ken Watanabe, there’s pretty much nobody. This is why you have an $85 million film like Memoirs of a Geisha, with the three female geisha lead roles going to Chinese [Chinese Malaysian, in Michelle Yeoh's case] actresses and Ken Watanabe taking the male leading role.

The reason I dislike a lot of remakes is that rather than drawing attention to the excellent original films, they have a tendency to displace them. American moviegoers of a certain age will know what I’m talking about. When Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) came out, there were throngs of young people going nuts over Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, but not too many of them had ever heard of Gene Wilder. Taking the 2005 phenomenon of Gene Wilder ignorance one step further, there are plenty of people who know that The Producers (also 2005) was based on a hit Broadway musical of the same name, but how many knew that the musical was based on a side-splittingly funny 1968 film? It bums me out when I tell someone I love The Producers and they come back with, “Oh, that Nathan Lane is a RIOT! What? Zero who? Mostel? Who’s that?”

This is like a Chinese film company producing a $170 million remake of The Godfather and writing in a role for Jackie Chan, so that all the movie posters read: The Godfather, starring Jackie Chan. I would expect some response from American film enthusiasts. And you’d die every time you heard a kid say how The Godfather was their favorite martial arts film.

The point is, no matter how good a remake turns out to be, it will become the default for a lot of people, and their opinions of the remake will be projected onto the original. I’ve met a few people who have no interest in seeing the original Star Wars trilogy because they saw one of the new films first and didn’t like it. That’s just a shame.

This film is going to be most Americans’ introduction to the story of the 47 Ronin, and I’d rather it wasn’t a 3D Hollywood production staring an American actor as a character that wasn’t in the original story. I’d rather that they read the play first, or at least watched one of the several brilliant Japanese productions readily available on DVD already. But then, people in hell want ice water. There are other movies that are passable because they’re obviously ridiculous — I actually watch The Last Samurai as a comedy. Unfortunately, Keanu Reeves’ performance as a fake member of the 47 Ronin will probably be prefaced with the words “Based on a true story.” And no, it doesn’t help that he’s part Asian. If he tries to speak Japanese in the film, I might walk out.

Anyway, I hope that this movie doesn’t really stink, because if it does it’ll be nothing more than a $170 million effort to make Americans dislike a gem of Japanese literature. Best case scenario, America likes the story and then gets confused when Keanu doesn’t turn up in the book. And that is why I don’t like remakes.

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Update: I was discussing it with my friend over at the B+ Movie Blog, and he made me think some more about it. This will be a fantasy film, with witches and giants and stuff. They’ve already changed the plot completely and it’s an American film; it now has more characteristics unique to itself than it shares with the original story. So my conclusion is that I would be perfectly content and ready to enjoy the movie if they just changed the title. If it was called “Samurai Vendetta” or “Ronin Revenge” that would be fine. It’s simply that Hollywood decided to drag 47 Ronin into it that bugs me. As my friend pointed out, Hollywood is concerned with the name because of branding. They want something recognizable — although I can’t speak to how many Americans will be familiar with the name to begin with.

This may look like just another company logo in need of some spiffing up, but I thought it was pretty appropriate. The company is Tokyo Electric Power Company [TEPCO], the firm managing the Fukushima nuclear power facilities. TEPCO fell out of favor with the Japanese people so fast it made heads spin. They’re being forced to compensate families that were displaced by the disaster last year and could face losses of over $20 billion for the year. Now, it appears that the Japanese government will be taking a 2/3 stake in TEPCO — the world’s fourth-largest power utility — for $15 billion, in what will be the largest non-banking bailout ever. The slogan to the right reads [slightly cut off] “Toward a Society with a Dream.” TEPCO’s dream has faded, just like the sign.

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